Elizabeth Grace

"Our Amazing Grace"

On January 2nd 2016 we found out we were expecting another baby. We were so excited!! I wanted a little girl, Jacob wanted a healthy baby and the boys were still clueless. We decided not to tell them until it was confirmed by the doctor. Once the doctor confirmed the pregnancy we announced it... Liam being a first time big brother got to do the honor. See photo to the right.

Then things got scary. Where do I start? Our lives had been flipped upside down since March 1st. below is a post from a private board on facebook where I posted "In the moment" updates

FACEBOOK POST

March 1: routine appointment, just an ultrasound to measure the neuro sack. My OB was concerned by the thickness and the absence of a nose. He referred me to a specialist to test for Trisomy 21 which is the technical name... for Down syndrome.

March 7: this was the appointment with the specialist for a level 2 ultrasound. Many abnormalities and birth defects were found. The baby is missing a nose, some sort of congenital problem, the Brain did not separate into two hemispheres and there is a large mass on the face. We were moved to his office to discuss the findings. He recommended chromosomal testing on the baby to test for Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18, trisomie 21 and holoprosencephaly. He also recommended we meet the same day with a genetic counselor. The genetic counselor went over the above genetic disorders and introduced us to the doctor that would do the procedure on March 9th. The doctor asked to do another ultrasound to check placement of the placenta for the CVS test that they would be doing on the 9th. While doing this ultrasound she discovered that baby has six fingers on each hand and a hole in the heart.

March 9th: we arrived for our CVS test and also got another ultrasound this ultrasound suggested the baby may be female and we were informed the baby was not compatible with Life. We left devastated we finally had our daughter and we would never get to meet her.

March 14: we got the call with the test results that the baby tested positive for Trisomy 13 as well as holoprosencephaly. This confirmed the doctor's predictions that the baby is not compatible with Life. It also confirmed the baby is in fact female.

Now we are just struggling with the battle of do we give the baby to God and let nature take its course and carry this baby as long as we're privileged to carry her or do we terminate.

March 17: We had decided to carry and let God and nature do its magic. This afternoon I was informed that if I carry past 15 weeks my life is now in danger of pre-eclampsia heart failure and hemorrhaging. I am currently 14 weeks and 1 day. The last 17 days of our lives have been a complete and utter nightmare. We are now just as confused as we were when we started. We do not know what the future holds for our family.

I'm not asking for sympathy, I don't really know what I'm asking for. I guess I just need a strong circle of friends to support me and to be there no matter what choice we make. We asked for those of you who are believers to pray for us to get through this.

END FACEBOOK POST

We were devastated. Our little baby girl that we wanted so much was "not compatible with life" The doctors tried to get us to terminate. We had considered it but knew deep down that was not a option for us. It was not a decision we could make, it was up to God to make this decision--"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away". It was our job to nurture and carry until the day comes that God calls our daughter to heaven. So that's what we did.... for 23 whole weeks I carried sweet Elizabeth Grace in my womb. I felt her little kicks and rolls. Jacob and the boys watched as my belly grew and I became more and more "pregnant".  We went every week for ultrasounds and check ups. we did everything in our power to take the best care of this beautiful baby girl.

Ill save the newest for another post......

On Friday May 13 2016-- Yes, Friday the 13th! We went for a relaxing trip to Tuscon to celebrate my best friends graduation celebration. On the way there I felt tons of movement. We enjoyed the night with friends and games before heading back to Phoenix that night. On the drive home I was very uncomfortable. My legs ached, my stomach hurt, I had a bad headache and just couldn't get comfortable. I didn't notice at the time but Elizabeth was no longer moving. The next day I lounged around the house and didn't do much except grocery shopping. My stomach ached a little and I still hadn't noticed the lack of movement. I told my friend Shawna I wasn't feeling right and showed her how hard my stomach felt. Still no red flags.

Sunday, May 15, 2016 I decided to skip Church because I wasn't felling "right". Instead I cleaned my bedroom and rearrange things. Call it nesting, I'm not sure. Still no movement. By now I have noticed the definite lack of movement. I pointed it out to Jacob, he tried to feel her move but there was nothing. He said wait it out until morning and then go to the doctor. I agreed, but at 3:00 am Sunday night/Monday morning I woke up with a bad feeling. I went to the hospital where they hooked me up on all the machines. They said there was a faint heartbeat and sent me home. But what wasn't she moving??

Monday, May 16, 2016 still no movement. I stayed in bed and procrastinated. I didn't go to the doctor because the hospital said she was still alive. I just couldn't shake the bad feeling.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016 I woke up to take Lucas to school and I KNEW something was very wrong. I assured Jacob I was over reacting and he should go play basketball with the guys. I called the doctor and went in at 11:00 am. They took me in for an ultrasound. It was the longest walk down the shortest hallway I've ever made. I was all alone and panic mode was setting in. I tried to stay positive. "You're over reacting remember? She is fine, Stop stressing. Maybe she is just super tired after the trip to Tuscon." I say on the ultrasound table and she put the wand on my clearly pregnant stomach. The second it touched me I knew she was gone. She was totally still, not even the faint flutters she made that I couldn't feel. The tech moved over to the chest and I saw it-- or didn't see it. There was no thump thump of the heart. The tech changed to the blood flow setting and it was still. No whush whush of blue and red colors flowing through her body. I looked at the tech and said "she's gone huh?" She looked at me and said "Yes, She has passed. Let me take a few measurements and I'll get the doctor." *Cue Tears* I laid there crying silently. The tech was still in the room but I was all alone. I sent my husband off to play basketball and my daughter had gone to heaven without me. I was totally alone in that moment. I called Jacob and told him she was gone. His release of breath and "she is?" was my undoing. He is my rock and he was in the same scared, sad, shocked boat as I was. Dr. G came in the room and hugged me, I put the phone on speaker so he could talk to us both. He was so sweet and gentle. He told us what we already knew and told us to go home, get packed. eat. cry, hold each other and head to the hospital that evening. So that's what we did. I walked out of the doctors office feeling so alone and empty. Somehow I made it to my van and drove to the grocery store across the street. I called our moms, his sister, my dad, Marilyn, and my grandma. Then I somehow drove home. When I got home Jacob was still at basketball. I never did ask if they actually played that day. But I knew he was safe. He had Major Mike, Nathan and the guys to help him sort through his emotions and fears. I took my time at home and packed our bags.